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Posted by dshalabi in 26. Dec, 2012, under society, people, and life in Amman
Dear reader, don’t get the wrong idea from the title you just read on the top of the page! This post is not about my engagement party, my fiancé, nor my great plan for the wedding . I am still single, and rest assured that if I were to be engaged, I wouldn’t be blogging about the details of that phase in my life to the whole world. You see, I still think that there are things in life that should remain private and my love life, should it ever exist, would be one of them.
However, I am talking about an interesting class of girls here in Jordan who believes otherwise, as this interesting group of women has no problems with sharing every detail of their engagement with the whole world. These are the “I am Engaged Girls”, and they are easy to recognize.
With any of these girls, the guy would still be putting a ring on her finger and she would only have one thing on her mind. She would be so eager to change the relationship status on her FB profile from “Single” to “Engaged”, and yes the status does change 15 minutes after the engagement party. The morning after the engagement the “I am engaged” girl would fill her FB profile with pictures of the engagement party. She would then receive the floods of mabrooks from her friends along with a commentary on how sexy she looks and how handsome the fiancé is. Of course the fiancé being handsome is important, as it highlights her ability to capture a handsome man who agreed to marry her. After all, this would be a girl’s biggest achievement in this society right?
Then on that same day after the engagement, the “I am Engaged Girls” almost instantly grow an interesting capacity to love. All of their photos from that day and for the next few months to come will be of them and the handsome guy who put a ring on their finger.
Half of the photos will be of their guys putting their arms around them and the second half would be of them putting their arm around their guys. These camera loving poses are not to be taken lightly, as they are a reiteration of the fact that the girls found someone they can call theirs. In some of those photos the I am engaged “girl would be holding the guy so closely, and as if she is stopping him from running away. After all, the ability to “catch” a man is like finding a treasure any girl will steal away at any time. You see, the “I am engaged” girl will also believe that her single friends are jealous of her.
The locations in which these photos are taken are also very important, as they are mostly taken in five star restaurants, five star cafes, five star hotel lobbies and resorts. These locations are not chosen by chance, as they are meant to make an important statement , the statement being “My fiancé takes me out, to nice places, and he has money”
The captions will mostly say “Me and my baby at xxx”, or me and (heart) at xxx”. The underlying message here is that the girl and “Her Baby” are so in love. In my simple unknowing single mind I am wonder if what a girl and a guy say to each other is private, and if the words love, heart, and baby are not things we should be saying openly about anyone on our FB page. But that is just me.
Then again, in our society the only time you are allowed to openly call someone your love is when the ring is on your finger, and it is the only time you won’t be shunned for saying it in public. But here the reference to my love, my heart, my baby are done so fast you would have to wonder how the love grew after an arranged engagement and a few meetings only.
As the months go by, these girls’ abilities to express themselves change as well. They drop all the references to “I” and replace them with “We”. So, Instead of saying “I” like , “I” want, “I” feel, they say “We like”, We think”, and “We feel”. They would sit with their friends and say “Me and 7abeebee (My love) xxxx, love this restaurant”, “Me and (My love) 7abeebee xxx want to buy a house”, “We decided”, “We thought”, “We believe our kids, should” since the guy will never ever be referred to in his first name alone. Even when he does call her, she says “7abeebee (My love) is on the phone”, an announcement she has to make in public, and then she picks up the phone and says “Yes 7abeebee”.
Miraculously these girls and their fiancés develop the same opinion. They love the same songs, same food, and same countries. But then again their topics of conversation are narrowed down to the wedding, the lights, the DJ, the food, the honeymoon. the dress, oh and the mother in law whom they will do everything in their power to ensure that she doesn’t interfere. Of course the mother in law is damned as a daemon from hell if she was ever to say anything about the dress, the dj, the wedding, the honeymoon, or anything else that would stand in the way of “I am engaged” girl’s wedding day .
One day, one of those “I am engaged” girls was saying one terrible thing after the other about the Mother in Law in front of me, and I , “the unknowing pathetic single girl” found myself asking what appeared to be a dumb question. I simply asked her “Wouldn’t life be easier for you and the groom if you tried to be friends with the Mother in Law. After all, it is her son’s wedding too” . I said these words and needless to tell you the girl looked at me as if I were stupid and innocent coz I am not engaged.
So yes, these girls talk about the Mother in Law as if she were the monster standing in the way of her and her love’s happiness. This is simply because the mother in law is stopping her from having the dream wedding and the wedding is far more important than the guy himself at that point. Who will ever talk about the guy if the wedding wasn’t a festival in itself sparking everyone’s envy? The guy and the wedding are her biggest achievement in life.
As the months go by, the photos in the restaurants and resorts decrease with time and that is simply because the girl is preparing for the wedding. At this point she reads Bride Magazine, and starts looking at weddings on TV for ideas. Then, the me and 7abeebee xxx changes to Me and 7abeebee xxx want to have our wedding in the Four Seasons but his awful mother plays with his head. “His sister said”, “His Brother thinks”, “My mother told me to be careful from his mother”, “My dad disagrees”, and of course “My stupid mother in law doesn’t want me to by the flowers that cost xxx JD. She is jealous of me because her son loves me” .
Now if you happen to know one of these “I am engaged girls” you will be living through every detail of her life. You will know about the intimate conversations, the fights, the money and what her mom said about the fights, what her dad said about the fights, and you will even know the guy’s shoe size, blood type, his favorite perfume, his favorite food, his favorite drink, what he said about her hair, what she said about his shirt, their first kiss, their second kiss, and their third kiss. She will even tell you the nicknames he gives her and how long they spoke on the phone the night before.
.As a result of her inability to talk about anything else, you will find that If you ever happen to meet the much spoken about 7abeebee fiancé, you will blush inevitably. You will feel that you know too much. After all, it would kind of be embarrassing to talk normally to a guy whom you know a little too well. , and who you know the shoe size of even if you are meeting for the first time.
But meet the I am engaged girl one month after the wedding and you will realize straight away that the “7abeebee” is replaced by a first name, the mother in law has been surrendered to, and if the phone rings she will say it is “xxx” (his name) asking about lunch. The last photos you will ever see of her on FB are those of the wedding she diligently posted the next day, and the spark of the “I am engaged” phase dims to be replaced with reality.
After all, to all these girls I would say, it isn’t the engagement itself that is important. It is finding someone who is beyond what you had for lunch, what the flowers looked like, and where he went on a honeymoon with you. It is not an engagement but it is a life . The real achievement isn’t getting the ring on the finger but rather it is who put the ring on the finger, an achievement only you could celebrate, but then again try telling that to the typical “I am engaged girl”. What do we single people know?

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