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I’m sorry dear reader for not posting so much as one word on Faces over the last month, as I was barely able to carry out the mandatory tasks requested of me. You see, the February of 2014 was a challenging month to say the least. It was a month bombarding me with tests to my tolerance. But today, I’m good not fabulous but I’m as fine as I could be. So, inspired once again to write, I will tell you about the interesting status I read on Facebook . Now I agree that most statuses are pointless but every once in a while, you may come across the occasional interesting one, and the status I will tell you about today was interesting as it asked the following question, “Does listening to love songs make true love easier or harder to find”. I felt compelled to answer this question.

Now, most love songs are about being intoxicated by love, if not being in the euphoric state of love, being drunk with thought about true love, or being broken down by unrequited love, so all these states share one underlying message, telling us that love is this life changing experience bringing with it extreme good or bad emotions. I do think that love can change us as people, but I do wonder if it changes us for the better or worse? 

Most people say, you are never the same person after you have experienced being in love, but worse still I believe you are not the same hopeful person after you have been deeply disappointed by love. I believe the change love brings in us is true. But, at many times, it isn’t a great change. 

People who are broken hearted, may learn  to hurt others, not because they are evil but just because they are lost souls needing to avenge themselves for being hurt. They are people who can’t trust others as openly as before, simply because they had once given their trust to a person who had not respected them, or who had not even treasured trust, or their emotions. 

These people may find solace in the love songs about being hurt, as these songs confirm to them that they are not alone and they are not. But on another note, these songs may also make them feel that it is ok to validate or romanticize the state of sadness a broken heart brings, or to even dwell in the state of sadness.

With lyrics like “It only hurts when I’m breathing?”, people may believe there is something romantic about constant pain. The lyrics “How can an angel break my heart”, may make people believe that a person is an angel even if they broke their heart  the lyrics “Please forgive me I can’t stop loving you”, makes me even ask how can anyone find true love when they can’t stop loving the person not with them.

The happy love song makes it even harder to find true love. Let’s be honest, such songs make love seem like this wonderful thing where people are inspired, light headed, even physically bonded. They make love seem perfect, divine, and immortal, setting us out as mere mortals living in a normal world on a search for the extraordinary. They make us pass up good love stories, while we search for the partner who looks perfect, acts perfectly, has the perfect job, perfect resources, and who will promise to never hurt us, and who will always act exactly the way we want them to, i.e. the way the love song tells us they should. Well, good luck with that people. Such a person doesn’t exist. 

With lyrics like “Baby I’m amazed by you”, people may search for someone who will amaze them 24 hours a day, when no one can fit that description. What about the lyrics “You say it best when you say nothing at all”?  Come on in reality we can barely understand each other when we are talking openly and honestly so how can anyone understand another person saying nothing at all. What about the lyrics “You’re amazing just the way you are?”, seriously everyone is asking their partner to change something about them, otherwise people would never fight, and the list goes on. See what I mean, such love songs and many others make love seem fabulous so we break up with people just because they are human and not amazing just the way they are.

I wonder how in a world, where we are all far from perfect we can expect perfection from a partner? How can the fictional lyrics  from love songs inspire us to feel that this is what love is supposed to be. Even if we are aware of their embellishments never the less, they raise the bar so high on what we hope to find in this domain. They of course make it hard to find true love, because they send us out on pointless search for the non-existent love story.

Of course , we could create a love song about loving the imperfect person who fights with us occasionally to often and who has a set of annoying habits, and who sometimes looks tired, and who on certain days is so annoying we wish they would disappear . But, would people believe in this real love scene. People won’t believe this story, because the other love story told by songwriters seems so much better even if it never existed. They will search for it even if they know it it’s a lie. So, yes love songs make it harder for us to find true love.  Unless we change the love song or accept it as a lie and instead we direct our energy towards redefining true love.

This is the new me

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